Monday, June 01, 2009

Drinking in Polite Society ... Part II

Now that the weekend is upon us, I thought we'd throw the invitation open to newcomers.

First, though, a bit of business. The minutes of our (imaginary) meeting are as follows:

There was some discussion as to the name of this society; I suggested the 21 Club, with the aim of drinking 21 different cocktails, but Rob thought it was silly to just steal someone else's name. So we came up with the American Society for the Preservation of Cocktail Appreciation instead. There was some protest to this. Some think we need a sexier acronym here. First of all, every society worth of its name is International, and not only American. Besides, as of now, only R.Emmet Sweeney is American. How about the International Cocktail Society or ICS? -Zeta

Zeta is a dick. "International" implies we sample places internationally. How about the New York Tippling Society (NYTS) Or the Tippling Institute for Tired Slackers (TITS) -Robert

Nice touch, asshole. I despise you, but I like NYTS. TITS is also fun, but I think Vintage American Guzzlers (VAG) is better. - Zeta

I just noticed that "Drinking in Polite Society" spells "DIPS," which I think is a funny insult because it reminds me of something the Archies might say ("Jughead, you're such a dip," Veronica sneered).

The Charter

Our aim is to appreciate the job our city's mixologists have done of resurrecting and re-creating the storied cocktails of yesteryear, though an appreciation of neat whiskey is encouraged. Liqueurs? Spirits? Restricting it to Whiskey might backfire. -Zeta
Yes, spirits. -Robert

Witty conversation is an art and we aim to cultivate it. A sample conversation might include a discussion of current cinema (the digital Schwarzenegger in Terminator Salvation, say), debating the douchiest world leaders (Berlusconi), evaluating the relative funniness of Hot Chicks With Douchebags versus Die Hipster and/or LATFH, and other illuminating subjects.

Formal wear is required at all times, regardless of the weather. If you find a wool suit too warm, try a linen suit. Trousers are allowed for women, but appropriate grooming is mandatory.

Due to Manhattan's increase in weekend baggery, cocktail hour will begin promptly at seven. We could also move it to a weeknight. - Zeta

No photography in the bars or clubs. We are not (shudder) food bloggers.

The ASPCA is a commitment. Although rotating membership is allowed, it is best to attend as many meeting as possible to get the full experience of comparing various beverage venues city-wide.

Membership is by invitation only. However, we will consider new applicants if you submit a politely worded request or a brief essay on "Why Drinking Saves Me From the Unbearable Pain" to ASPCA is an equal opportunity organization. That said, we've got a pretty heavy 2:1 male to female ratio, so women are especially encouraged to apply as it might elevate the conversation out of the scrotal area.

We will try to meet approximately once every two or three weeks, as schedules permit. Reviews of the cocktails imbibed shall be posted following every meeting.

Here's hoping this venture is more successful than my Widow's Whist Society, which, though formed in 2007, has yet to play a single game.


P.L. Kerpius said...

This is a tough call. But I personally like "American Society for the Preservation of Cocktail Appreciation." Then again, the acronym is no good and already in use: ASPCA. Though it's never a bad thing to be for the prevention of animal cruelty.

"Tippling Institute for Tired Slackers" is nice, but again the acronym no good (unless the male-female ratio stays the same and the conversation lingers, as you say, in the "scrotal" area. Then the acronym is perfectly appropriate). This name also seems to reach too much. I enjoy something subtler. Also, how could a society of formally dressed drinkers ever be considered slackers? In any event, at least not during the minutes of the bi-weekly meetings.

As for "New York Tippling Society," well, not too bad! Not as dignified, I think, as ASPCA, but I still think there's an acronym issue. "NYTS" looks to much like the ubiquitous New York Times' "NYT." Like, it's the NYT "society" section or something. Maybe I'm reading too much into things.

DIPS is nice, but are any of you that polite?

So it's settled then. My vote, should rotating members be allowed one, goes for ASPCA. The American Society for the Preservation of Cocktail Appreciation!

Say it!

Spinster said...

Ha ha, I know the ASPCA is a thing! That's why it's funneeee! I'm hoping to get a cease and desist letter from them. Ooh, maybe we should call it Polite Educated Tipplers of America...

bookishnyc said...

ASPCA: Love. It. It makes the endeavor sound so worthy. (Not that it isn't, but sometimes -- such as when one is creeping out of work early -- saying that you're "going to an ASPCA meeting" is preferable to saying you're "going bar crawling.")
Anyway, keep up the reviews.