Showing posts with label Fan Fridays. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fan Fridays. Show all posts

Friday, April 17, 2009

Fan Friday: Susan Boyle!


Scottish spinster Susan Boyle! Her YouTube videos have been disabled for embedding, but here's a link that will do just as well. It's a testament to her utter adorableness that I, avid loather of all musical theatre, was a little thrilled by her performance. It's a testament to my own cynicism that I'm afraid it's all just a hoax dreamed up by the BBC ... but if she's a real person, then I love her. She's a heroine to smoldering spinsters everywhere!

Friday, March 27, 2009

Afternoon Tea and Dressing For Dinner



Dear Spinsters,

This Friday I would like to talk about luxury. There are plenty of things that can make you feel luxurious regardless of how broke you are. In these troubled times (as we are so fond of saying now) it is imperative that we never let ourselves feel stretched or destitute. Though we may have very little, materially speaking, our genteel poverty must be marked by a specifically spinsterish ability to raise ourselves above mere accidents of circumstance, hold our heads high and revel in all life's beautiful feasts, though we may have them only in smallish bites.

One of these things is afternoon tea. It can be a mug of Lipton, microwaved, but it is still a ritual. Between four and four-thirty, I make it a habit to sit down and enjoy silence, peace, and nice cup of tea. I may be sitting at a wooden table I found in someone's abandoned apartment with a table cloth from Century 21 housewares, but I have a fetching white china teacup with a blue rim, and nobody knows I get my Liptons in boxes of 100 for $3.99. (For the record, I do take the time to boil my water stove-top. Ruggles would be proud.) Sometimes a literal cup of tea isn't advisable -- for the caffeine-sensitive spinster -- but it is imperative that you have a little treat to fend of world-weariness and drudgery. Preferably with something sweet. (If you are on a diet, I am afraid I am not speaking to you in this post, for we cannot ever really be friends. If you are eating Activia and portions of something labeled "100 calories," you are the female equivalent of a douchebag, sorry.) Afternoon tea is more than a mere snack: it's what separates us from the animals, and no lady should live without it.


"Those Bond No.9 samples smell good!"

Dressing for dinner ought to occur, at least on weekend (if you are employed) just after tea. It should be a long-ish ritual, not rushed, and should demarcate the mundane (day) from the delightful (night). Without it, you've just got one long day. Not only does it prepare you to look your best, but it imparts a subtle, deliciously luxurious feeling -- there's that word again -- and sets you up quite nicely for the cocktails and dinner (and further cocktails) that I hope are making up the rest of your evening. Even if your evening wear consists of an army jacket and combat boots, always take the time to properly apply your eyeliner. Life's just too short for you to walk out of the house looking plain.

Life's also too short to feel deprived and impoverished, so always take your time and have a nice cup of tea every afternoon ... and remember that you've got the exact same stuff in your cup that Betty Windsor drinks, and drinking it from a golden chalice wouldn't make it taste any better.

Sincerely
Your Beloved Aunt

Friday, February 27, 2009

Broads We Like

I recently finished reading Sex & the Single Girl as research for a mid-twentieth century period piece I'm writing. I always dismissed Cosmopolitan magazine and anything to do with it as fluff, but found myself strangely and surprisingly charmed by its wacky, long-reigning Editor-in-chief, Helen Gurley Brown. It's hard to forgive her for presiding over the masthead of such a cringe-worthy and horrendous "lifestyle" publication, but from time to time she'll do something endearing, like titling her editorial column "Step into my Parlor" and other humorous -- intentional or otherwise -- flourishes.

When reading the book I realized that inside the Cosmo-girl morass, there was a woman I actually didn't hate. She's kind of an old-fashioned broad: tough, sassy, solo, offering up a great big "I don't give a damn what you think" to everyone. This woman was a single career gal for seventeen years in the late '40s and early '50s before she married a film producer, so she knows whereof she speaks. It must have been a tough climate for her. I also wonder if she was the inspiration for Peggy on Mad Men, because she started as a secretary and moved up into writing ad copy after being mentored by a boss-man who noticed her talent. Here's another endearing quality she has: she grew up desperately poor and gives some amazing advice about living on a budget, including a section on how to save, buy stocks ("Choose a company that has an asset to liability ratio of at least four to one"), and negotiate a lower rent with your landlord. Her warning never to buy anything on layaway seems like the lone rational voice in the wilderness in these days of post-credit card remorse.

HGB advises living life to the fullest while living solo, whether it means working your way up the ladder at your office, taking violin lessons or traveling to Australia for a year: "Paradoxically, living dangerously lengthens and strengthens your life." She does not advise waiting for a man to call, predating "He's Just Not That Into You" by several decades. She's all about getting out there, having fun, working hard and really relishing this world, an ethos that isn't so easy for any woman who's ever spent weekends and holidays alone with the "lonely fidgets." ("But how much easier it is to bear if you have a really intriguing job to return to next morning and enough money to buy yourself a Ferrari to race around in and forget.") Her hardworking no-nonsense advice and bloody-minded dedication to "routing out the trembles" and eschewing self-pity is quite astonishing when you consider the how-to-land-a-man sensibility she and her magazine would later become associated with.

For instance, Cosmo readers appear to have little do other than sleep their way to the top, right? Not such a great idea, advises Mother Brown: "You would ... do yourself more good by staying right where you are and learning to read a statistical report. After all, girls to go to bed with he can always find. No real training required, but where is a boss going to get a girl who can read statistical reports?"

I don't know, maybe the last 2.5 decades of backlash and post-feminism have lowered the bar, but I found HGB's "make yourself useful" philosophy kind of refreshing, and despite whatever she did later in life, despite all the unforgivable dating/dieting advice she doled out to women, I think this still stands:

"Those who glom onto men so that they can collapse with relief, spend the rest of their days shining up their status symbol and figure they never have to reach, stretch grow, learn, face dragons or make a living again are the ones to be be pitied. They, in my opinion, are the unfulfilled ones."

Or, put another way, "There's such a long time to settle down by the hearthside."

Friday, October 24, 2008

Happy Friday, Dizzy Davis

Since it's Friday, I'll just list a quick roundup of things that merit my roaring, gushing approval.

Sarah Weinman reviews a newly re-discovered work of detective fiction, which has been lost since 1865. The book is called "New York Detective" and features a fictional detective named James Brampton. Incidentally, Brampton is also the name of a smallish town in Ontario, Canada, with which I am most familiar.

A 24-year-old intern at the San Diego Police Department apparently cracked a 36-year old cold murder case. This better not turn out to be some kind of hoax, or I'll be disappointed.

Finally, on the cinematic front, Ceiling Zero is a freaking awesome Howard Hawks movie that I saw at BAM last night and which everyone should see if they get the chance. I'm sure there'll be an intelligent post on it somewhere soon (Rob?), but for now I'd like to say that its mix of comedy, melodrama, adventure, camaraderie and James Cagney really did it for me. (Pat O'Brien's not bad either.) Someone smarter than me once said:

"Howard Hawks's 1936 film is a superlative airport melodrama, comparable with Only Angels Have Wings. All of the lines of Frank "Spig" Wead's stage play are there and the action is confined to a few sketchy sets, yet the film is never theatrical ... [T]he overlapping, speeding dialogue is perfectly launched, as Hawks cuts to the core of the play with his own meditations on personality and responsibility."

I'd also like to note (for you dramatists out there) that it's a perfect example of Lajos Egri's principle of plot growing out of character. James Cagney's daredevil drives the whole story forward, and all actions spring out of his characteristic reactions within the world of the film. It's all about going down in a blaze of glory, and will make you nostalgic for the old, pre-de-icing days of aviation, when delivering the night mail was full of glory.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Please let this movie be funny ...


The House Bunny opens today, and, after seeing Pineapple Express and Tropic Thunder last night, it might be nice to see some girls be funny, too.

Mister Spinster's ode to the film's Carole Lombard-meets-Goldie Hawn-esque star, here.

Update: it's funny! Emma Stone holds her own, too! I would have liked more scenes with the girls just dorking out, but it was still an enjoyable confection nonetheless.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Friday Fandom: Ernest Fucking Borgnine

Hey Kids! You may remember me as Sargent Fatso Judson in From Here to Eternity!

Friday, August 08, 2008

Fan Friday: Dan Walsh

Usually on Fridays I find myself running out of energy and ideas, and this week is no exception. Coincidentally, on Fridays I also find myself posting about stuff and people I like. This happened by pure accident about three times in a row (Lon Chaney, Peter Lorre, Werner Herzog ... though maybe that was a Thursday) so I've decided now to make it all horrible and contrived by forcing myself to do it every Friday and giving it a silly name.

This week I simply must feature the Garfield Minus Garfield guy. Often I find myself going to the site for a laugh when I'm utterly depressed at work. Nothing makes me feel better about my own miserable life than the hilarious exploits and wacky adventures of Jon Arbuckle. Yup, G-m-G totally blows my mind with its awesomeness. So, hats off to you Dan Walsh, whoever you are. Whenever I am devastated by the mundane quagmire of my existence, or when I just need a hearty chortle or two, I go to you, and unlike so many others, you never let me down. Kudos.