Tuesday, October 23, 2012

31 Days of Halloween: The Links of Doom Live!

It's officially Halloween Week and I'm so excited I can barely focus. Maybe it's all the candy sending rushes of sugar to my brain but I'm having trouble sitting still over here.

Speaking of which, some insightful and penetrating mind at a Boston paper wrote a thrilling article about their least favorite Halloween candy. I've got to call bullshit on the inclusion of Whoppers here. Whoppers are delicious. I bet this writer hates black licorice, too. Everything else on the list really does sound disgusting, though.

Anyway, more proof that New Englanders are kind of bananas: they even thought vampires were roaming around Connecticut at one point. What's the deal with you guys and the witches and the vampires? Is it the Puritanism that made you crazy? Thank goodness I'm a godless New Yorker. Nothing to be afraid of here.

Oh, except five million dollar monthly rents. I think the fact that I'm including links to gentrification news in almost all my Links of Doom indicates NYC is really finally dying. Soon it'll be nothing but tourists and ghosts. Is it too late to move to New England?

Bah! Enough misery. Let's all forget our troubles with a big bowl of strawberry ice cream and a Tobe Hooper movie: I watched THE FUNHOUSE the other night and was thoroughly horrified and entertained. This film has the world's saddest, oldest strippers, the world's saddest, quickest handjob, and the girl who played Mozart's wife in Amadeus. Trust me, you'll like it.

In other news, due to a spectacular lack of demand, my Edgar Allan Poe history tours have been canceled. Proof that people don't want the truth. You can still take a ghost tour with me, or just take a self-guided tour of the eight most haunted houses in New York City. I can vouch for the fact that these are all haunted as hell. In fact, 14 West Tenth Street routinely gives me nightmares after I visit it on my tours. Also, the Kreischer Mansion looks spooky as all get out. I've never been but it certainly looks worth the trip to Staten Island.

Courtesy Staten Island Museum
Actually, Staten Island is a really haunted place in general. The Conference House is haunted, and so is the site of the former Willowbrook State School. It's just a creepy ole island. Not, like, New England creepy, but creepy.


Anthony Burdge Jessica Burke said...

Just discovered your site, book and tours, we live on Staten Island and are fascinated by its creepy past. Such as Polly Bodine aka Staten Island's Lizzy Borden, the whole Cropsey aka Andre Rand and Willowbrook State School affair etc etc

Andrea Janes said...

Fantastic! I would LOVE to do a Staten Island tour one day! That would be amazing.... until then, I hope to see you on one of my Manhattan tours: www.boroughsofthedead.com.
Thanks for stopping by the site!